Satire

BREAKING: Lebanon elects a new president

Parliament elected Haifa Wehbe as the next president of the Republic of Lebanon.

(BEIRUT, LEBANON) — Lebanon’s parliament made a shocking decision on Wednesday to elect nationwide icon Haifa Wehbe as the country’s new president.

“This is a historic day in Lebanon,” said Prime Minister Tammam Salam during a press conference outside of the Parliament building in Beirut. “We are confident that Haifa will restore trust in Lebanon’s presidential position.”

Lebanon has been without a president since Michel Sleiman’s term expired on May 25, 2014. Parliament members failed to reach quorum in all 20 rounds of voting since May.

But today’s decision comes at a surprise for many Lebanese citizens who were already acclimated to life without a president.

“It really doesn’t matter to us,” said Jacques Shaheen, owner of a Beirut-based flower shop. “If we cared, we would’ve protested and launched a revolution, but we’re simply fed up with the system.”

But political leaders say Lebanon’s new president will introduce policy reforms that will restore patriotism in the Mediterranean country.

“Wehbe will bring a lot of excitement to Lebanon’s political system,” said Walid Joumblatt, leader of the Progressive Socialist Party. “I’m very pleased with parliament’s decision to bring beauty and brains to Lebanon’s head of state.”

Haifa is widely recognized for her sex appeal as a former singer and actress. But this new position as president of the Republic of Lebanon will bring new diplomatic duties for the global leader.

Haifa hosted a press conference outside of the presidential palace in Baabda earlier today, where she unveiled her political platform for her presidential term.

“I promise to ‘boos’ all the ‘wawa’s’ in Lebanon’s political system,” Haifa said. “I will begin by terminating “The Sisters” TV show on LBC because there’s no doubt that I’m the only Lebanese woman that matters.”

When asked by the press if she qualifies for this position, Haifa replied: “I was ranked 8th in the Top 99 Most Desirable Women. What more qualification do you need?”

Haifa_For_President_by_tuqann

Check your calendar! It’s April 1st.

Come on, did you really think Lebanese parliament would follow the constitution?

Lebanon’s leaders would never commit such an atrocity!

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